Jeopardize

I’m pretty messed up,  broken hearted, and my life is going downhill with all the choices I have made and for the past few months.. Everytime I believed it can’t get worse.. Life.. Just came like a shooting star and punched me right in my soul, showing it could be worse.. And finally at some point I didn’t give a fuck.. I didn’t care.. I wanted it to end.. Everything.. Just walking, i wished maybe some guy decides to be drunk and would roll his car over me. Or maybe I’ll get in a terrorim act and am the only casualty.. It became an everyday thing.. Well.. People may say I was too cowardly to end it myself.. I was.. I don’t wanna leave people with doubt of my death.. If it happens naturally or some unforeseen circumstances.. It’ll hurt less maybe? I had friends to get me over that.. And seriously all of them were annoyed :p, and once I knew I don’t wanna do anything anymore that jeopardizes my situation anymore.. I was too careful with things.. Thinking ahead making decisions, and that’s when I decided to be single.. A good or bad decision I won’t ever know but the void afterwards.. Was really shitty.. Is all I’ll say.. 

Well, now again I don’t give a fuck, but I do care about my self now.. I still have no idea how to make things awesome again.. But the least I can do is be awesome.. “jeopardize”.. To do something or to put someone in a situation where there is a danger of harm, loss.. It sounds pretty dramatic.. And we only use it in negative sense.. But I’m gonna jeopardize my urge to be secluded, to have ill thoughts and obvo my current life.. I’ll do things that will make me laugh along the road.. Remembering how stupid I’m.. Which.. I’m.. 😦 but I’ll have to start somewhere.. Using daily prompts everyday to rant to being weird and random.. I’ll do everything possible to be somewhere else.. I was born far away from where I’m supposed to be. So, now I’m on my way home 🙂 

Jeopardize