“I love you”.. “I like you”… “I have feelings for you”.. such heavy words, which are difficult to say for any teenager and youth to someone else? and just to express feelings.. Everyone is scared to confess, but not cause they are scared for their feelings to reach the one, but for the consequences and the reply they will probably get, when their feelings have already reached… Love has become synonymous with expectations and sacrifice, while it need not be.. loving someone doesnt mean you will always be loved back.. Like there is probably no truer love than a parent towards their child, and yet the children probably wont love their parents back.. there is no guarantee that the parents will understand you and be there for you all the time.. the only thing is that they will love you.. and sometimes even that love is changed its post from love… to a “duty”.. cause we gave them birth we have to love them.. more like unwilling forced relationship, which you cant really escape, and it happens in a lot of families.. in mine too, there is always a moment when the love, changes to duty at time, cause everyone is frustrated, expecting and then getting tired of it.. regretting and then obvo.. anger cause someone didnt do what they expected them to do? why.. expect.. and if you are gonna like expect from someone, instead of saying “i love you” or something like that, why not jsut say , ” I am gonna expect a lot from you” just so you give them a heads up.. love should not be give and take, or have specific boundaries or based on an unspoken contract.. which leads me to come to the title of my blog… “unrequited love”..
Now.. most people i know hate it.. like .. they want everything be reciprocated? everything they do, they want something in return.. be it love or some help or.. even as small as waking up at time in the morning and sending a text… I love unrequited love, because.. there is no expectations? I never expect anything from anyone( except the worse xD ), cause in that way i can see them in the truest way they are.. how they react, their small details, and everything else.. I do hope ofc, hope is powerful and good to have, expectation is a like.. a harmful drug, the more you do, the more you want to, but its only fucking you up and will go bad someday… Nobody understands love more than someone who hasnt been loved back.. once you define love, why you love someone, its not love.. cause its constant.. cause you cant love someone for what they are.. or even what they will be.. but nobody loves someone for who they are.. everyone loves a particular time line of a person, a particular instance they will repeat in their mind, and yearn for it for the rest of their life.. that kinda love is kinda.. weak? like itll just go away in a while right? you can love again ofc, but loving just one side.. will make that love disappear.. the more you understand and know that person, the more sides youll see that u dont love? and the more fucked up you will be… this doesnt happen.. with unrequited love?
unrequited love is just observing a person, its every side.. like.. i love a few people.. some people may kill me by sayin the word “a few people” but yeah.. i do.. take that.. anyway.. they dont obvo.. ( there is literally very few things to love about me ). So obvo they know, i am the worst hider of my own emotions, I mean.. I can keep a secret like really well… but if you like tell me to hide my own emotions.. i m a sucker at that.. itll come out someday or the other.. so.. well i could be sad right? i have every right to be sad.. cause i love this random girl a lot, like.. I love everything she is and can be and i love who she is, how her mind works, how intriguing she is.. right? i have full right… but im not sad? its fun.. cause i have an image of her right? its ever changing…. every day she learns something new, every day i teach her something new, and every day she teaches me something.. etc it goes on.. and there is more to love, cause im not expecting anything? cause i dont have a defined limit to what our relationship is or ever will be.. i have no doubts on my feelings? she can break my trust, she can break my heart.. make me depressed etc.. but i love that? im not a masochist no.. no.. its just.. thats one more side of her? and every action has a certain instances of things that happened before it.. something i did, something happened to her.. like a clock..i try to figure out.. try it.. its amazing af.. true unrequited love..
Now, what if she is stupid enough to love me too? xD would that changes thing? umm.. i guess not.. cause i told her i wont live up to her expectations.. and i wont expect anything from her… ( yep.. ).. and like…dont handle me i wont handle u.. unless you feel like it or I feel like it.. like.. if im depressed, be depressed with me.. if im committing suicide, tell me whats the best and most painless way to? and also what it will lead to.. ofc.. shock me! if im happy and u r sad, i wont force my happiness on you? but dont force ur sadness on me either.. we are two different people.. hopelessly in love with each other.. we have two different lives, that will slowly entangle with each other.. why force it? maybe not now, but one day.. your sadness will be my sadness, your happiness will by my happiness.. and i wont like think that i have to handle you or vice versa.. itll come automatically? not a duty, just a feeling.. and that..i guess it true love?
and also sorry for not posting for so long :3 im having fun and kinda busy with stuff.. will try to post continuously now.. thanks!