Posted in BLOG

Echo..

It’s been a while since I have written and I dont think it’s alright for me to just hop on the train again without paying some hefty price or something.. but a friend told me she really wants me to write and read my posts and I did try to procrastinate it for a few more days, but then.. here I am.. opening myself out and screaming with the few words I can muster at my will…
Well, the last few days have been pretty gruesome for me I will say.. I have exams in less than a week and I havent started studying shit, not cause I dont want to, its just.. I am not really ready for the results of it? I am scared of giving it my all and just never resulting into anything favorable.. Like.. if you ever get a chance to go to mountains or an open enough space and if you scream loud enough? THere will be an echo right? One loud scream of yours, you gave it your all.. and then some more distant shorter ones slowly dissipating into the air with nothing left, and we.. just scream again cause listening to our echo means that what we did resulted in something more beautiful, yet.. we cant scream all the time right? Cause it dissipates.. everything at some point does dissipate.. and giving it your all while screaming for an echo is not an hefty job, so people tend to do it pretty easily without any prior thoughts about it, studying or well loving on the other hand is a long processed work right? you have to sharpen your skills, get better and give it your all? and when it ends up to nothing its just.. painful in some manner, while being in the void has taught me that if you do nothing, nothing will happen to you.. its law of equivalent exchange as in FullMetal Alchemist etc… while one of my close friends told me, I always do half-assed action.. I dont go full throttle at something, well yea I dont.. and the only excuse i can muster is that. cause if I go full throttle, I may lose you and others and I dont wanna be alone cause of my mistakes again. there is so much more on my mind xD, she told me I bend too much.. and I cant deny it or make an excuse for it.. I do, I accept everything haphazardly, and make things calm down as soon as possible, what sucks is that when the other party goes away and I am alone.. there is this stinging continuous pain inside me asking me why did you do that? why didnt you stand up to your feelings and let it all out? when everything on your inside was screaming and breaking apart, why did you just send a laughing smiley and say something funny or weird so nobody can notice? well.. I dont know, its mostly cause I dont wanna ruin anyone elses life anymore, like mine is already half way through hell.. dont want anyone else to be there.. but I am the only reason for this stuff happening to me and I cant do anythign about it can I? above that…people usually have dreams and hopes right>? some goal and ambition that they strive and work for.. well I am conflicted, cause.. well I know what I want to do in life, its pretty stupid but ill keep trying until I make it a reality thats for sure, but I dont know what I want to become.. like what i want to do doesnt want to be anything? I am not accounted for anywhere except obviously behind the scenes maybe, some name hidden in some book at some corner.. a signature on an unfulfilled contract types existence, but yet I wanna be more.. I wanna become something while doing something thats entirely different, but living two lives is.. tiring, and I have no idea what i want to become,i I have to start somewhere right? And I have no idea where to start.. Travelling is fun to do, but it sucks when you dont know where to take the first step :/
Echo

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Author:

I am just a software enthusiast, doing mechanical engineering from a government college, I love to write about things that intrigue which is mostly everything. I like to read a lot and game a lot. I like discussing about anything that interests a person, either me or the one im talking to as there is nothing more amazing than talking to a person who is excited and sharing something that makes them feel good.

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