Posted in BLOG

My Favorite Book…

Dear.. you,
I, Me, am usually too cheesy, too sweet? I dont know how to flirt.. and I seriously dont know how to be normal.. But I love writing, and most texts are meant to be short and concise.. I am neither xD, I am long and confusing.. so here it goes..
Every person has a story, every person has a past.. a present and a future.. so do you.. and I may never know everything about your story.. just the highlights.. but every moment of your life, every second meant something :O, and I am a total idiot so I wanna know that something.. anyway.. dont wanna be weird always..
Every person is a book, a beautiful.. interesting book, with a story, obvo they being the protagonist, some other characters and a plot, sometimes numerous plots? going on with numerous timelines too.. depends on what kind of person you are..
Here.. for a while, you have been my favorite book.. like literally, I made a book of you in my mind, beside the image i already created when we first started talking, which was really.. weird.. anyway, So the book is mostly empty right? i dont know much about your past, i dont know much about your future.. I wanna talk to you more, cause I wanna know what happens at every moment, just to fill it in the book, and maybe one day present it to you as a gift,.. which would be really weird considering that.. itll be kinda stalker behavior? I am not a stalker, im just thoroughly excited as you are pretty unique.. While.. I am not the only one writing in that virtual book of mine, you do too? like when you tell me something that happened in your past, something you insecure about, whats the best about you and whats the worst about you.. if I have to like.. make you understand, its like you are beautiful right? you are awesome, so everything in that book is pretty cool, beautiful handwriting, the font size, there are even a few drawings here and there.. and thats all good and all. and yet there are some cuts, and some parts like scribbled hurriedly over, something that you did or said that you regretted, some insecurity, some random events that werent meant to happen in a perfect, perfect life… and you know right? I hate perfection :O, I am the farthest thing from perfection, I am volatile..like.. not in a good way at all, anyway.. so those, scribbled marks, cuts, and repairs you have done in your story.. those are what makes you, you? I know that I probably wont like the girl you ever where, not cause it was bad or anything, she was amazing as heck too.. its more like i have been in a similar situation, and we both were too scared and too insecure to do anything about it, and it took us a while to realize that we werent supposed to stay here, which i should love in fact right? but that era of me, I hate him too lol.. I saw a post.. it went like,

“Imagine a future where your daughter is going out with a guy exactly like who you are, Did you Smile? if you didnt.. Change..” and  I have been following it ever since I guess? be someone my daughter would be lucky to go out with.. I always hated the society and the mindset of people we live in? but I was too lazy to well, live out of it? I will be considered crazy! I will be called weird and pagal, ill be looked at differently, ill be misunderstood and probs be alone? it took me a while and  i realized that, i wont ever be loved..? etc..I told you everything i guess, anyway.. I got to know you are still on the process of knowing yourself, and i wanted to ask.. oi, can u tell me everything u realize about yourself? plis.. but i thought itll be, too weird? i mean we are comfortable with each other, but i guess there are limits? I cant know everything about you, but i should still try to figure you out by my own mind right?

I.. forgot what the flirt was xD.. so ill just say random stuff..? I lied? :O I did say I dont ever want to be your weakness, and I still dont :), but I never wanna be your strength either? its more like.. I wanna be there while you are living, hopefully the closest person? but i dont wanna hold your hand and tell you how to walk etc, I will grab your hand if you fall, every single time..  but I will let go as soon as you are stable, I wont leave or anything.. im not that.. stupid? ill still be by your side, like.. maybe what im trying to say is, its lonely to walk and live your life alone.. its beautiful to walk and live your life when someone is holding your hand, and you are each others support.. and yet I dont want either.. I dont want a hand, or even a pinky finger.. maybe i want to run like meters ahead of you telling you to catch up slowpoke? or just be lazy somedays and lag behind and say wait for me yaa.. i am tired? oh well.. im weird and i cant really keep anything inside of me so its like..918 words till now xD, and im thinking oh fuck this is too much talking, she will probs be weirded out or something right? and leave and stop replying to me.. ( i think about everything) but then im like… atleast i should drag it to a thousand na? get a milestone or something.. maybe i should have written a poem.. that you are my favorite book, and its not perfect.. it has scratches and everything, and thats what makes it my favorite.. cause everytime i try to remind myself on how you are, what you are.. i read the book, and in between those beautiful pages, the well written verse.. there are few scratches, some empty void, some cuts, some repairs and just some silly mistakes we used to make as kid.. the marks of erasers is there, the smell of the ink is still fresh.. you are you, and I dont think i can say it ever enough you are awesome.. (1080 words). Bye

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Posted in BLOG

Urge..to be ..Original

I love writing, and yet I cant bring myself to write randomly or everyday even though I am feeling an urge to let my thoughts out.. I usually have someone to talk to, someone who would listen to me with ears all open.. and sometimes I am alone, the void slowly sinking in.. I dont hate being alone and I am not scared of the void.. We got an understanding long ago.. I talked with my demons.. we made a deal.. We are going all out.. Before Today.. I couldnt write cause.. I wanted to be.. original? I dont wanna have thoughts that are already in someone elses mind, I dont wanna write something thats there somewhere in this universe.. an urge to be original, be different, be unique.. but..well no more :3

My talk with well my dark side wasnt peaceful at all, its a tug of war.. sorta, whos gonna win.. whos gonna lose.. whats gonna happen.. will i be filled with sorrow, or will i be able to smile again? it was on a whim.. but I just let go of that.. rope? and decided to discuss… I am gonna be crazy..So, well my dark side is pretty rude, over bearing possessive and it wants to conquer everything, in a demonic way.. I am demonic.. not just plain old evil life in the bible mythology.. I dont choose good or bad.. I am a demon..so well,  I am pretty good too? like the light side is.. pretty sweet, awesome… random jokes and I will do anything to make everyne happy..  I love everyone and will give my life away for them..

So.. its like a coin right? two sides of a coin,dark side and light side.. :3 I burned it all… like it wasnt really hurting or anything.. just u feel all those reactions happening rapidly inside you the changes, happening drastically.. and im really observant.. maybe too observant. so i Could witness every single change in me, itll take a whole long while to tell them all so.. compressing the information… I am point now :3 A single point like.. a singularity and I can be anything and everything, so well I am gonna start again with following the daily prompts, letting my thoughts flow freely, no matter if they already exist or will exist in someone elses life. I am gonna enjoy it :3 there is no rule saying that a copy or a similar creation.. cant be better than original.

Original

Posted in BLOG

Unrequited Love.

“I love you”.. “I like you”… “I have feelings for you”.. such heavy words, which are difficult to say for any teenager and youth to someone else? and just to express feelings.. Everyone is scared to confess, but not cause they are scared for their feelings to reach the one, but for the consequences and the reply they will probably get, when their feelings have already reached… Love has become synonymous with expectations and sacrifice, while it need not be.. loving someone doesnt mean you will always be loved back.. Like there is probably no truer love than a parent towards their child,  and yet the children probably wont love their parents back.. there is no guarantee that the parents will understand you and be there for you all the time.. the only thing is that they will love you.. and sometimes even that love is changed its post from love… to a “duty”.. cause we gave them birth we have to love them.. more like unwilling forced relationship, which you cant really escape, and it happens in a lot of families.. in mine too, there is always a moment when the love, changes to duty at time, cause everyone is frustrated, expecting and then getting tired of it.. regretting and then obvo.. anger cause someone didnt do what they expected them to do? why.. expect.. and if you are gonna like expect from someone, instead of saying “i love you” or something like that, why not jsut say , ” I am gonna expect a lot from you” just so you give them a heads up.. love should not be give and take, or have specific boundaries or based on an unspoken contract.. which leads me to come to the title of my blog… “unrequited love”..

Now.. most people i know hate it.. like .. they want everything be reciprocated? everything they do, they want something in return.. be it love or some help or.. even as small as waking up at time in the morning and sending a text… I love unrequited love, because.. there is no expectations? I never expect anything from anyone( except the worse  xD ), cause in that way i can see them in the truest way they are.. how they react, their small details, and everything else.. I do hope ofc, hope is powerful and good to have, expectation is a like.. a harmful drug, the more you do, the more you want to, but its only fucking you up and will go bad someday… Nobody understands love more than someone who hasnt been loved back.. once you define love, why you love someone, its not love.. cause its constant.. cause you cant love someone for what they are.. or even what they will be.. but nobody loves someone for who they are.. everyone loves a particular time line of a person, a particular instance they will repeat in their mind, and yearn for it for the rest of their life.. that kinda love is kinda.. weak? like itll just go away in a while right? you can love again ofc, but loving just one side.. will make that love disappear.. the more you understand and know that person, the more sides youll see that u dont love? and the more fucked up you will be… this doesnt happen.. with unrequited love?

unrequited love is just observing a person, its every side.. like.. i love a few people.. some people may kill me by sayin the word “a few people” but yeah.. i do.. take that.. anyway.. they dont obvo.. ( there is literally very few things to love about me ). So obvo they know, i am the worst hider of my own emotions, I mean.. I can keep a secret like really well… but if you like tell me to hide my own emotions.. i m a sucker at that.. itll come out someday or the other.. so.. well i could be sad right? i have every right to be sad.. cause i love this random girl a lot, like.. I love everything she is and can be and i love who she is, how her mind works, how intriguing she is.. right? i have full right… but im not sad? its fun.. cause i have an image of her right? its ever changing…. every day she learns something new, every day i teach her something new, and every day she teaches me something.. etc it goes on.. and there is more to love, cause im not expecting anything? cause i dont have a defined limit to what our relationship is or ever will be.. i have no doubts on my feelings? she can break my trust, she can break my heart.. make me depressed etc.. but i love that? im not a masochist no.. no.. its just.. thats one more side of her? and every action has a certain instances of things that happened before it.. something i did, something happened to her.. like a clock..i try to figure out.. try it.. its amazing af.. true unrequited love..

Now, what if she is stupid enough to love me too? xD would that changes thing? umm.. i guess not.. cause i told her i wont live up to her expectations.. and i wont expect anything from her… ( yep.. ).. and like…dont handle me i wont handle u.. unless you feel like it or I feel like it.. like.. if im depressed, be depressed with me.. if im committing suicide, tell me whats the best and most painless way to? and also what it will lead to.. ofc.. shock me! if im happy and u r sad, i wont force my happiness on you? but dont force ur sadness on me either.. we are two different people.. hopelessly in love with each other.. we have two different lives, that will slowly entangle with each other.. why force it? maybe not now, but one day.. your sadness will be my sadness, your happiness will by my happiness.. and i wont like think that i have to handle you or vice versa.. itll come automatically? not a duty, just a feeling.. and that..i guess it true love?

and also sorry for not posting for so long :3 im having fun and kinda busy with stuff.. will try to post continuously now.. thanks!

Posted in BLOG

Elude..

Sleep Eludes Me..
Thoughts fill up my Mind..
Even though there is a Storm inside Me..
Silence.. remains an Ally..

Everyone.. at least one day of their life.. have had a sleepless night, maybe cause of depression, regret, worry or just cause they were too bored to even sleep.. Yesterday was one of the many many nights I havent sleep, just looking at the roof.. the mini-sized cooler trying its best to keep me..comfortable.. the roof which is shielding me from the beautiful beautiful sky.. and everything else.. still yet trying to silently comfort me that its okay to fall asleep tonight.. Yet I cant.. Sleep doesn’t exist when you have too much on your mind, your eyes fail to close, your heart fails to calm down.. your hands wanna move, your whole body is restless.. something is wrong.. Yet you dont know what..

2 am.. I finished my gaming, it was time to sleep.. I was tired.. but one thought had taken over my mind.. a discussion with a close friend of mine.. and I wanted to rectify it.. I am acting like a child.. but I thought it’ll trouble her more.. So I just decided to let it be? let’s sleep tomorrow is another day.. I’ll make up tomorrow.. but I couldnt.. I lay still , trying to get in a position, my mind would just cease to think.. earphones plugged, volume at full.. songs playing at their full pace, and yet.. there was this silence.. and the thought.. I couldnt sleep..

3 am.. I am still trying to sleep.. restless.. changing positions.. drinking water.. eating… maybe something is physically wrong with me.. this hasnt happened to me in a while, why am I worrying about something that shouldnt worry me? I had a crush, its easy to fall in love na? I wouldnt.. but why am I so worried that I fucked it up? What is this.. regret? I am not hurt, I am not sad.. I didnt expect.. I am sure to be.. friendzoned some day.. Yet.. I couldnt do anything about it..

4 am.. Same.. I wanna go out, see the clouds.. but i dont feel, I will be able to embrace it in all its glory.. I will still be filled with doubts.. a cloud of thoughts will fog my eyes to the beauty, and I will still be worried.. about even i dont know what.. :/ I gave up.. I messaged sorry.. Yes. now I can sleep,  I messaged right? but no.. I couldnt.. Now.. I am waiting for her to wake up..read and reply… why am i so frigging weird..

5 am… 6 am…7 am… 8 am… Hours passed like minutes, I did nothing, no gaming , no videos, no music.. just silence and me.. just thinking.. sitting on a chair.. Eyes going tried, hurting but refusing to close.. heart beating louder every minute.. I dont know whats wrong.. i dont know whats right.. I get a message.. it isnt a reply… a salutation… replied with salutation.. and then silence.. 🙂 I fucked up.. GGWP… Reported..

9 am… Writing a blog post about it? Stupid.. she wont ever see it.. nobody would ever understand, cause nobody will ever know.. everyone will guess and everybody will see the truth that is.. I am weird.. Is being weird that bad? I take pride in being weird and crazy..I take pride in being.. different? maybe in a bad way different, but still i am not confined anymore, i am free yet enslaved to the this cage of.. hope..I dont know when I will sleep.. I wish I just collapse and dont give into my thoughts.. have to get more tired.. push it to the limit.. Good Morning to many.. Good Night to me 🙂

Posted in BLOG

The Tags Of Eight..

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Thank you Green Peace for nominating me for the Tag of 8s.

8 TV Shows I love Watching!

Vikings
DareDevil
Sherlock
Suits
Marco Polo
The Big Bang Theory
Arrow
Flash

8 Favourite Games To Play

Counter Strike : Global Offensive
Dota 2
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3
Call of Duty: Black Ops
Battlefield 3
Portal 2
Dishonored
Assassins Creed

8 Things I look forward to

Holidays!
Talking with people I am close to :3
Sleeping
Good Internet Connection :/
75% attendance :-p
Full Battery on my phone!
Finding Match on Cs:Go and its next Operation
Actually sitting down to study

8 Things I’m passionate about

Gaming
Writing
Talking about random shit
Researching.
Experimentation
Manipulation :O
Sleeping ( Yes I am passionate about sleeping )
Doing nothing at all, and looking at the sky

8 Phrases I use often

Hi
brb
lul
noob
baka!
etc etc
anyway!
Sorry

8 things I’ve learnt from the past

To be Awesome.
Nobody gives a shit.
Dont try to find true love.
Be the right person for everyone
Every girl is a potential gf, unless friendzoned.. already committed or blocks you.
Be available most of the time, you never know when it can help someone.
Be Crazy.. dont succumb to prejudice and society’s rules.
Live everyday like its an entire lifetime.

8 Places I would Love to visit

Japan(Manga/Anime)
Germany ( Engineering! Free STudy)
Netherlands ( to meet Iris )
North East, India
Canada ( just to see if 9gag is true )
United States of Ameria ( Same as above)
North Pole ( 6 months night ❤ sleep like crazy )
South Pole ( when its summer in north pole )

8 blogs I nominate for this challenge

Mirageofagirl
Cosmic
ArpitaSK
Scribbledree
Everyone else who reads this post in nominated too!

The people I have nominated have to answer the same above questions. Feel free to ask anything different.🙂

Thanks A lot for this tag GreenPeace

Posted in BLOG

Hike- That Aw..kward/esome Convo

Well, I have many friends, like any other person, I have too many to count on my fingers, but obviously.. I have only a few really close friends, who know every side of me and I am, well comfortable enough to show my true self to them.. crazy..stupid.. weird af.. everything.. There is one such friend of mine.. She is not weird, or awkward, just awesome and gets easily creeped out xD
I was bored, nothing to do, was talking to my now.. ex and it was going good but, I literally had nobody to talk to, I felt like I had detached myself from everyone, so I was like.. fuck it.. lets talk with the people I just met a while ago, now… talking with people isnt easy, you take into account many things, their behavior how was your interactions, and like a dozen other things, atleast I do.. so there was this one girl who fit the picture.. we both had dogs, we both were otakus, and she was the most sane one among all of us xD, i msgd her, Hello, lets be friends.. xD I am weird.. and surprisingly she was i guess bored.. so she didnt give a fuck about me being weird, she said lets talk…and we had a short convo, she hated whatsapp or wasnt used to it, and here comes mention for the daily prompt, she told me to come on Hike.. it was another messaging app which was famous around that while, cause it provided free sms or something, anyway.. I had to download hike make an id, i was pretty sure she had run away, but she didnt.. thank god.. so we talked there…. it was weirdly fun, i still know how I kinda manipulated her into she telling most things she can about me, like how she has had a bad past etc, her traumatic experiences, how she wants to be more, and how attached she feels with her friend, she told me not just her story but her best friends too ( shonali.. she was the second victim ), I dont remember every detail of our chat, I never would be able to, it was too vague and too fun, we were replying like too fast to keep it in memory, but I remember what i felt and how weird i was.. I remember asking her xD lets be best friends! , like I had an interview and she would give me a post if she sees me fit, and well.. she said.. like a lady.. lets give it time.. things will unroll itself xD well
Scribbledree Thanks for not well ignoring me that day or.. worse thinking im too weird to talk to :3 and obvo not running away.. too many things to thank for..
anyway
thank you
Hike

Posted in BLOG

Blogger Recognition Award

Everyday, as soon as I wake up, I look at the daily prompt.. cause.. i dont get ideas on my own now … it sucks.. anyway so after checking the daily prompt I decide what to write on it, and if im feeling it, If I dont, I skip to the next day.. before that I check blogs of the people I know.. just to comment be well be awesome :3, and as I could see on Mirageofagirl had nominated me for some award.. thanks

The Rules for The Blogger Recognition Award

For all the nominees for this award, here are the rules, if you choose to accept(Please do):

Write a post to show your award.
Give a brief story of how your blog started.
Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
Thank whoever nominated you, and provide a link to their blog.
Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to them

 

How it all Began..

Well.. I didnt use wordpress for blogging at first.. per say.. it was more like a storage for me.. for the poems I had written in numerous diaries, in the last few pages of my notebooks, and wherever i got space and I felt like writing.. it was too dispersed and I tried to make a single diary, but i suck at maintenance and well.. wordpress was a good enough site to post all my poems and well leave it be.. then I have a friend.. Scribledree&lt and she read my poems and asked me to teach her how to write :O well shes gone from being a newbie to being totally awesome.. so I told her about this, made her id and all and said do it.. and she did.. afterwards, just to be with her and write with her, I started blogging with her..  I guess its been like only 2-3 months at max since I have started and I have met some amazing people its been awesome.

Two Pieces Of Advice..

Well.. dont have any prejudice while writing, dont expect anything from others.. teach yourself by your own writing and itll be easier to let it all out..
Be an idiot like me 😀

Nominees :

Everyone who well ever reads this post are all nominated, as I cant possibly name everyone who is amazing, as I have yet to meet all of you! But some honorable mentions xD who are already nominated :
Scribbledree Well. I dont have to explain anything about her blog.. just check her out and ull know..
MirageofaGirl Honestly.. I am speechless.. you are like me and im scared if we ever ever like come close we will annihilate each other(matter-antimatter)
Cosmic Explorer Well cause I read your posts and I loved them :3 you are awesome!
LukeAtkins Check his blog, and youll understand why! You are awesome!
and obvo as I said above Everyone else :3 You are all nominated