Elude..

Sleep Eludes Me..
Thoughts fill up my Mind..
Even though there is a Storm inside Me..
Silence.. remains an Ally..

Everyone.. at least one day of their life.. have had a sleepless night, maybe cause of depression, regret, worry or just cause they were too bored to even sleep.. Yesterday was one of the many many nights I havent sleep, just looking at the roof.. the mini-sized cooler trying its best to keep me..comfortable.. the roof which is shielding me from the beautiful beautiful sky.. and everything else.. still yet trying to silently comfort me that its okay to fall asleep tonight.. Yet I cant.. Sleep doesn’t exist when you have too much on your mind, your eyes fail to close, your heart fails to calm down.. your hands wanna move, your whole body is restless.. something is wrong.. Yet you dont know what..

2 am.. I finished my gaming, it was time to sleep.. I was tired.. but one thought had taken over my mind.. a discussion with a close friend of mine.. and I wanted to rectify it.. I am acting like a child.. but I thought it’ll trouble her more.. So I just decided to let it be? let’s sleep tomorrow is another day.. I’ll make up tomorrow.. but I couldnt.. I lay still , trying to get in a position, my mind would just cease to think.. earphones plugged, volume at full.. songs playing at their full pace, and yet.. there was this silence.. and the thought.. I couldnt sleep..

3 am.. I am still trying to sleep.. restless.. changing positions.. drinking water.. eating… maybe something is physically wrong with me.. this hasnt happened to me in a while, why am I worrying about something that shouldnt worry me? I had a crush, its easy to fall in love na? I wouldnt.. but why am I so worried that I fucked it up? What is this.. regret? I am not hurt, I am not sad.. I didnt expect.. I am sure to be.. friendzoned some day.. Yet.. I couldnt do anything about it..

4 am.. Same.. I wanna go out, see the clouds.. but i dont feel, I will be able to embrace it in all its glory.. I will still be filled with doubts.. a cloud of thoughts will fog my eyes to the beauty, and I will still be worried.. about even i dont know what.. I gave up.. I messaged sorry.. Yes. now I can sleep,  I messaged right? but no.. I couldnt.. Now.. I am waiting for her to wake up..read and reply… why am i so frigging weird..

5 am… 6 am…7 am… 8 am… Hours passed like minutes, I did nothing, no gaming , no videos, no music.. just silence and me.. just thinking.. sitting on a chair.. Eyes going tried, hurting but refusing to close.. heart beating louder every minute.. I dont know whats wrong.. i dont know whats right.. I get a message.. it isnt a reply… a salutation… replied with salutation.. and then silence.. 🙂 I fucked up.. GGWP… Reported..

9 am… Writing a blog post about it? Stupid.. she wont ever see it.. nobody would ever understand, cause nobody will ever know.. everyone will guess and everybody will see the truth that is.. I am weird.. Is being weird that bad? I take pride in being weird and crazy..I take pride in being.. different? maybe in a bad way different, but still i am not confined anymore, i am free yet enslaved to the this cage of.. hope..I dont know when I will sleep.. I wish I just collapse and dont give into my thoughts.. have to get more tired.. push it to the limit.. Good Morning to many.. Good Night to me 🙂